Today, my family and I attended a new church... not that there was anything necessarily wrong with our old church. We just sensed that God was leading us into something new. We prayed about it. Fasted about it. Prayed some more. And after 3 months of this, it seemed right to the Holy Spirit and to us that we simply dive in.
It wasn't what I expected.
I figured there'd be goosebumps and tears. I mean, we FASTED, for crying-out-loud! I was totally looking forward to some magical, burning-bush experience that would light my hair on fire, and leave me glowing & radiant like Moses, when he came down from Mt. Sinai.
No visions. No dreams. I didn't "fall out" or "speak in tongues".
Nothing.
Sure, the music was excellent (really!). The multimedia presentation was spot-on. And the people were more than friendly. But where were all the spiritual fireworks & glory clouds I anticipated?
Then it hit me.
This is not about me.
You see, I spent the last 20 years on stage during worship... playing bass, playing guitar, playing drums, singing... you name it. And over that period of time, engrained somewhere in my subconscious was the seed of egocentric self-worship that is not healthy for or reflective of a proper worshiper.
I think we're all guilty-- especially in life. We get so focused on what we "do", that we forget the true nature of life... that is, spiritual.
Every aspect of life can be worship. Every aspect of life can reflect faith, and God, and spirit; but only when we've made the time to purposely promote His glory, instead of our own.
So without a tear or a shiver or the attention of anyone else, I entered into worship... conscious, purposeful worship. No one was looking at or listening to me. No one really cared if I had my eyes closed or my hands raised. In a building filled with 500 or 600 people, I stood there with my wife-- just us & God.
At that moment I realized that I was starting from scratch... slowly turning my reflective soul away from that familiar image that looks a lot like me, toward the One who orchestrated this pivotal moment of grace.
And I sensed true peace.
Now, the sermon was unorthodox. Of course, that makes sense, since the pastor is (thankfully) unorthodox, as well. And while his theme dealt with overcoming in this life, one impromptu, side-point stood out to me like a flashing light at the crossroads of an unlit street.
He recalled how earlier that morning, in the shower, he prayed, "Lord, teach me". He repeated it. "Lord, teach me. Lord, teach me."
And suddenly, I got it. This whole "new church", for me, was about becoming absorbent again; becoming willing to be soaked-- recognizing that this man, and these singers & musicians, and this fellowship of people have no desire to squeeze every drop out of me. No, they have something for me-- FOR me!
So I'm ready to breathe again (to quote my wife). I'm ready to inhale and then exhale, and then inhale again... you get the picture. Yet, this time is not just about what I can "do", but more about what God wants to do in me, my wife and our kids.
And while the experience and the impartation will be different for each of us, the change has already begun... and it is good.
It wasn't what I expected.
I figured there'd be goosebumps and tears. I mean, we FASTED, for crying-out-loud! I was totally looking forward to some magical, burning-bush experience that would light my hair on fire, and leave me glowing & radiant like Moses, when he came down from Mt. Sinai.
No visions. No dreams. I didn't "fall out" or "speak in tongues".
Nothing.
Sure, the music was excellent (really!). The multimedia presentation was spot-on. And the people were more than friendly. But where were all the spiritual fireworks & glory clouds I anticipated?
Then it hit me.
This is not about me.
You see, I spent the last 20 years on stage during worship... playing bass, playing guitar, playing drums, singing... you name it. And over that period of time, engrained somewhere in my subconscious was the seed of egocentric self-worship that is not healthy for or reflective of a proper worshiper.
I think we're all guilty-- especially in life. We get so focused on what we "do", that we forget the true nature of life... that is, spiritual.
Every aspect of life can be worship. Every aspect of life can reflect faith, and God, and spirit; but only when we've made the time to purposely promote His glory, instead of our own.
So without a tear or a shiver or the attention of anyone else, I entered into worship... conscious, purposeful worship. No one was looking at or listening to me. No one really cared if I had my eyes closed or my hands raised. In a building filled with 500 or 600 people, I stood there with my wife-- just us & God.
At that moment I realized that I was starting from scratch... slowly turning my reflective soul away from that familiar image that looks a lot like me, toward the One who orchestrated this pivotal moment of grace.
And I sensed true peace.
Now, the sermon was unorthodox. Of course, that makes sense, since the pastor is (thankfully) unorthodox, as well. And while his theme dealt with overcoming in this life, one impromptu, side-point stood out to me like a flashing light at the crossroads of an unlit street.
He recalled how earlier that morning, in the shower, he prayed, "Lord, teach me". He repeated it. "Lord, teach me. Lord, teach me."
And suddenly, I got it. This whole "new church", for me, was about becoming absorbent again; becoming willing to be soaked-- recognizing that this man, and these singers & musicians, and this fellowship of people have no desire to squeeze every drop out of me. No, they have something for me-- FOR me!
So I'm ready to breathe again (to quote my wife). I'm ready to inhale and then exhale, and then inhale again... you get the picture. Yet, this time is not just about what I can "do", but more about what God wants to do in me, my wife and our kids.
And while the experience and the impartation will be different for each of us, the change has already begun... and it is good.
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